Title: Good Intentions
Part: 5 – Desperate Measures
Disclaimer: If it were mine, there would be no Keller.
Warnings: angst, established relationship, humor
Summary: They had a foolproof plan to enter the temple on PX-4742. Unfortunately not everything went accoring to plan. This is a kind of 'aliens made them do it' variation
Wordcount: ~2500 (part 5)
Part 1 - A Cunning Plan
Part 2 - In The Temple
Part 3 – Side Effects
Part 4 – Reports and Consequences
After these very traumatic incidents in his office John decided to get his head clear again by working out. Running away from the madness sounded pretty good and so he took the long distance. And it really did help. After finishing his routine he felt exhausted but almost like a normal person again.
Unfortunately the good feeling only lasted until John tried out the gym showers. Ice-cold water was really not what he had been hoping for. John swore in five different languages while finishing the shower. This malfunction really had to be stopped soon.
Soon after that he went to the mess. He felt quite hungry and even the thought of behind-his-back-whispers couldn’t stop him from getting something to eat. When he entered the mess the whole room fell silent for a second, but before he could do anything the usual mumble went on again.
John selected his food - which earned him some rather nasty glares form the kitchen staff – and went to a table where to his great relief Ronon and Teyla were already sitting. “Hi guys,” he greeted them.
Teyla answered in kind while Ronon just put more food in his mouth and nodded, but this was normal for him. John sighed and also took a seat. Eager to not speak about the last mission he went on, “Hey did you experience some malfunctions too?”
“I don’t think so,” replied Teyla. “What kind of malfunctions?”
“The climate control in my room is not working, and the damn showers are cold as ice.”
“Didn’t have any problems,” grumbled Ronon.
John knew that the chances for a random problem had been very limited to begin with, but now it was clear that it was a very specific malfunction. Not that this knowledge could offer any kind of help.
“Maybe you should talk to Rodney,” advised Teyla with a very solemn voice. It was very strange, just like the Mona Lisa, watching from the right angle you could have sworn that there was a mocking grin on her face. But not from the front.
“Oh, I don’t think so,” grumbled John. If McKay wanted to resort to this childish behavior he was most definitely not participating. Also, it was Rodney’s fault after all.
John thought that he heard a quiet sigh from Teyla, but he was not acknowledging that either. He started to eat the mystery meat instead. With mashed almost-potatoes and gravy. Rodney’s favorite. John shoved away that thought. If McKay was too busy tampering with the showers to join them for lunch it was his own fault. Again!
He was almost finished with his food when suddenly Miko Kusanagi appeared in front of him. “Doctor,” he greeted with one of his best smiles.
But instead of shyly returning the smile and looking away, like she always did, the woman glared at him with venom.
“Is something wrong?” he asked bewildered.
“You!” she said, raising a finger. Than she broke off, stared for some seconds more and left the scene, almost stomping.
“What was that?” asked John his both companions helplessly. He felt the twilight zone creeping up his leg again. He never had seen the soft spoken doctor so furious. He hadn’t thought that it was even possible for her to get angry.
Ronon just shrugged. “You insulted her king.”
“What?” John felt like shouting. He was still calm, but it wouldn’t take much more and there would be shouting.
Ronon laid down his big knife. “McKay. He is the king of the geeks. And insulting him means insulting all of them.”
John almost tore his hair. “I did not insult McKay! What ever gave you that idea? And anyhow, it was all his fault.”
Teyla padded his arm with her hand. “I’m sure that this is a frustrating time for you too, John. But you’ll have to admit that you hurt Rodney greatly yesterday.”
“He was the one…”
John couldn’t even finish his sentence because Ronon said, “McKay didn’t even go to the ‘we have a new ZPM party’! The whole science team was there. It was a big party, loads of food. There was cake!”
John got angry. “Why is everyone hell-bent on putting the blame on me? It was Rodney who caused this mess. And all of a sudden I’m the one who gets treated like a leper.”
“You said several times yesterday that you do not want to be joined with Rodney,” Teyla interjected.
“Hey, Rodney said that too!”
“But he didn’t mean it.” Somehow a ‘you moron’ was implied in that sentence from Ronon.
“And after the revelations of the side-effects you were very vocal about that. I can understand your frustration, but it seemed as if your highest priority was to be able to be physical with other people again. That hurt Rodney deeply. And really, I would have thought better of you, John.”
“I really don’t get this. Does none of you understand how bad it is that these things in the wine – whatever that is – have taken away our control? Nobody has the right to take that away.”
“You are right, but this is not what Rodney got out of that talk, John!” Teyla scolded.
“He is thinking that you are sleeping around behind his back,” confirmed Ronon.
“For god’s sake! I’m not! And I would never do that to Rodney!” John’s outburst echoed thorough the entire mess hall.
“I think this is something you need to tell Rodney, don’t you agree? And the sooner the better.”
John suspected that Teyla had a point, and what made things worse, Ronon did too.
For the next few hours John locked himself into this room. There was quite a lot on his mind. But regardless from what point of view he looked at the problem at hand, he knew that it was now on him to make the next step. Teyla had been right, he had hurt Rodney. He had even seen it on the face of the scientist during their argument. But he had been too angry to stop.
Now he had to resort to some desperate measures – maybe even talking about feelings. John shuddered.
After he made his mind up he directly spun into action. Better not to give himself time to wriggle out of this. But to his big surprise it was not that easy to get a hold of McKay as he had hoped.
First he tried to find him in his usual habitat – the labs.
“Rodney’s not here, Colonel,” Radek said coldly.
John looked befuddled around. There was a lot of activity ongoing; the scientists most probably had a field day now with the new ZPM. But there was no McKay to yell at his minions. “So, where is he, Dr. Z.?”
“Well I’m not supposed to tell you that, now am I? I think Rodney’s exact words were that he will skin me alive if I tell certain Colonels about his whereabouts. Yes, yes. And I’m to inform you that all Kirk-wannabes with gravity defying hair and super ATA genes are now banned from the labs. Therefore I think it is best you go now John.”
Oh this was so Rodney. John gritted his teeth. While he went back to the corridor, he activated his earpiece: “McKay!” But only silence answered.
“Rodney we have to talk!” But again not even an acknowledgement that he had been heard. “Come on McKay, you are acting like a five year old girl.”
“Well duh!” and with that the channel collapsed permanently.
John counted to ten. He would not get angry about this. That was just Rodney in his hurt mind. But after all of this was over, John would give him an earful about that particular behavior.
Anyhow, he needed a new plan. With Rodney hiding somewhere he had to find a way for them to have an undisturbed conversation. And the best would be that Rodney could not just run away. Or that they had some witnesses. A grin spread over John’s face. He had just a brilliant idea.
It didn’t take long to prepare and to coax the city into helping. It took a bit longer to locate Rodney and to lure him into one of the transporters. But when the scientist went into one of the transporters the doors didn’t close directly, giving John the time to follow him.
“What?” Rodney yelled and even tried to get past John back to the corridors. But at that precise moment the doors closed. Rodney glared at John and pushed at one point of the control field. “I want the doors open now!”
“Not gonna happen McKay. You know how Atlantis likes me.” John couldn’t suppress a small smug grin.
“Oh that so figures! You and your fucking super-genes.” He activated the com. “Radek, get me out of this transporter!”
John shook his head. “It’s not working in here Rodney. How does it feel to be on the other side of some selective malfunctions? And for the record, it’s called the ‘cold shoulder treatment’ not the ‘cold shower treatment’! So I rather you stop that.”
Rodney frowned. “I don’t know what you are implying. And this is outrageous. It’s physicist abduction. Spouse abuse!”
John chuckled. “Don’t be such a Drama Queen.” And with that his mouth captured Rodney’s.
The kiss was hot and kind of long, but after some time Rodney shoved John away. “I can’t believe this. It’s not even two days since they dosed us with this poison and you are already trying to get back into my pants just because you’re horny and I’m the only one this is ever working with again. You really are Kirk!”
Ok, so much for plan A, good that John had prepared for an alternative. He put a chocolate bar into Rodney’s still open mouth.
The other man chewed once, and sputtered – but not too much, no need to waste good chocolate over an argument. “What’s this? A chocolate bar? You held back on me, you told me that we didn’t have any and have to wait for the next Daedalus delivery!” The rant didn’t stop Rodney from taking a second bite.
John just rolled his eyes. He would not mention that the Daedalus was currently in orbit over Atlantis, which might only sidetrack McKay. Sometimes he had the attention span of a squirrel on crack. “I’m not horny.” Well not really, even if the thought of them stuck together in a transporter was kind of a favorite fantasy of his.
“Pffft,” was Rodney’s only comment to that.
John took a deep breath. As he feared, time for desperate measures. He leaned his head very close to Rodney’s face. “For a genius you are sometimes quite daft. I’m not angry about what happened because I’m stuck with you. But because they took away our free will.”
“Oh no, I’m the one talking now. You constantly accuse me of being Kirk and of sleeping around behind your back. That’s utter bullshit Rodney. The last time I had the notion of having sex with someone else was 2 years, 4 months, 2 days and I think 10 hours ago. Now you’ll do the math.”
John could see how Rodney’s brain was doing overtime. “But, but that was…” he started bewildered.
“That was the first day we met in
Rodney was stunned. “What? But how? I mean, not that people should not find me attractive, but you are you and I’m, well, just me.”
John chuckled. “You were so fucking hot. Snipping your fingers in my face and yelling commands. And let’s not forget that fluffy orange fleece. I just wanted to jump your bones!”
“Wow. I mean. Wow. Hey, why didn’t you?”
Now John had to roll his eyes. “Because you were constantly raving about this blond super woman you are so in love with. It was ‘Colonel Carter this’, ‘Colonel Carter that’ the whole time. You even told everyone that she is the only one worthy to bear your children.”
Rodney did get a bit pink around his nose. “Well she is! But anyhow, so you thought I was straight, when did you reconsider that?”
“After your big jealousy tantrum you had over Chaya.” That had been a telling point. A few weeks after that John had gathered all his courage and hit on Rodney, with quite big success so far. It had been a rocky ride but a fun one, most of the time.
Rodney’s face darkened. “That hussy. And don’t tell me you are not Kirk! You had glowy-sex with that ascended whore!”
“Rodney I was only friendly with her. Yes I flirted a bit, but that is part of my charm. Remember that we wanted to get her as an ally. And for the glowy-sex – it’s not as if I had a lot of say in that. She just grabbed me and all of a sudden I lost control of my body and our minds were merging.” He shuddered as usually when he thought of that. “It was neither my will, nor cool or that particularly good.”
“Oh,” Rodney seemed to be in deep thought. “You lost control. Is that why you are so pissed about what happened?”
“I really don’t wanna go there McKay. Anyhow just so you know, any physical encounter with you wins over the glowy-sex thing hands down.”
“Well of course it does,” was Rodney’s all too familiar smug response. Then he paused for a second, “Well I mean, it does? Wow.” Rodney thought about this for a second. Then he nodded. “Ok.” They stood close to each other for some more moments before he started to speak again. “Well so you really do love me? And we are exclusive?”
“Well duh!” And with this John just kissed him again.
When they finally had to break the kiss for more oxygen Rodney said, “I may have to say sorry for being an ass.”
“It’s ok, I was too. A royal one!”
Rodney frowned. “And how is it going with your position? Is
John laughed. “That’s a long story Rodney, but apparently as long as we fill out one of their dreaded standard forms, we are off the hook. I’m off the hook. And we can even stay married.”
Sudden revelation hit Rodney’s face. “Oh my god, we are married. And I haven’t invited Jeannie. She will never forgive me for that!”
John chuckled. “She will get over it. Now shall we go back to the others? And it would be very good if you could tell your minions that I’m not the bad guy any more.”
“Hm, I might even do that. If you are lucky.”